‘When a childless woman turns 40 it’s as though she has a huge neon sign above her head which flashes ‘LAST DAYS FOR BABIES! LAST DAYS FOR BABIES!’ in giant lettering above her head. The rest of the world is full of unhelpful advice: there’s so much more to life, have one on your own, you’ve still got lots of time, doctors can do wonderful things these days…’

                                                                                                Dillie Keane

 ‘Single women are frightening. If you get to 41 as a single man, you’re quite battle-scarred.’

Hugh Grant

‘After thriving for years in my role as a prolific seducer of women, I finally received a wake-up call and a summoning to the next chapter in my life. It all happened when I experienced a pang of envy seeing my friends dancing with their kids at a wedding. In that thunderbolt moment, as I shot my champagne on the sidelines, I wanted more than anything to be married. I wanted a family of my own, I wanted to belong, to protect and to be loved.’                                                        Andrew, 40

 ‘Everything was going great until I said, ‘I love you,’ then he got this look on his face like he’d taken a wrong turn in a really bad neighbourhood.’ 

Roz Doyle, Frasier, Paramount Television

‘OK, I want to know the man for a year before I get engaged, another six months before I get married. Then, after a year, we have our first baby, then two years later we have another one… so, by then I’ll be… Good God, I need to meet my husband tonight!’  Monica, Friends, Warner Bros

‘There has been a long tradition of ‘walkers’ for single ladies of a certain age. A walker is gossipy and good-looking. He flatters, protects and possesses impeccable manners. He is a true gentleman and represents the perfect foil for female insecurity. I have walkers who step beside me when I need to display ‘my other half’ at corporate events and dinners. In this accepting society in which we exist, no one bats an eyelid if you are accompanied by your gay lover or a toy boy or someone else’s husband, but God forbid that you should attend an event as a single person! In my particular industry that would not do at all, so Stuart (who happens to be discretely gay) is displayed as my partner, and I reciprocate for him. Harry is my reserve for when Stuart isn’t available. We look good together. There are no obligations, complications or sex. And in the whispers and rumours circulating by the office water cooler my single status is completely overlooked.

                                                                                                Simone, 42

‘After my first date with Samantha, I texted her saying that I’d enjoyed the evening and would she like to meet up again. She texted back, ‘I liked meeting U2, but b4 we arrange anything else, can U let me no where U stand with regards to C?’ I texted back, ‘What is C?’  Instantly she responded one word – COMMITMENT. And these women wonder why men run a mile!’                                                             Andy, 36

‘In the rarefied upper reaches of high-altitude careers where the air is thin, men have a much easier time finding oxygen. They find this in the form of younger, less driven women who will coddle their egos. The hard fact is that most successful men are not interested in acquiring an ambitious peer as a partner.’

Dr Sylvia Ann Hewlett

‘I wasted years of my life dating the wrong kind of men, with each ephemeral relationship crashing and burning. I found it impossible to achieve permanency in a relationship so in my mid-thirties I made a conscious decision to be single. When I wasn’t looking for love, at the age of 37 it found me. Sean was the exact opposite of all the guys I’d dated before. Over time I have discovered so many things I didn’t know I wanted or needed from another person.’                                     Roberta, 41

‘Singleness is a state of mind. If we are not happy being single, we view it like a perpetual horizon, stretching away into the distance with no end in sight. Our future becomes distorted and we see demons of our own conjuring, taunting us with feelings of loneliness and isolation. It takes a superhuman effort to eradicate this mindset. If you can do it, then you attract good, positive things.’

Andrea, 39

‘You know when you walk through the Nothing to Declare section at the airport, you feel guilty, even though you’re innocent? In the same way when you reach 40 and you are still single, you just look and feel desperate, even if you’re not.’ 

Carol, 40

‘Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.’

Mark Twain

‘When I was 25 I met Louisa, who was perfect to me in every way. I should have married her, but I considered myself too young. I let her go and heard that she married someone else. Although I have matured and am still the same person inside, I have never met another Louisa. Maybe I should stop making comparisons and carrying a torch for someone from my past, but no woman I meet ever comes close.’ 

Spencer, 39

‘Single is a state of mind with which I am happy. Although I don’t live with anyone, I have such a busy life that I can’t actually dwell on the fact that I am single. If I met someone tomorrow, I really don’t know how I would integrate him into my life. I just couldn’t fit him in, so to speak.’                                        

Miriam, 40

‘I don’t need a permanent woman in my life. If I want sex or to have something cleaned, cooked, organised, designed, written or repaired, I pay someone else to do it for me. My life is cool, uncomplicated and angst-free.’ 

Mark, 43

‘As women glide from their twenties to thirties… the balance of power subtly shifts. Even the most outrageous minxes lose their nerve, wrestling with the first twinges of existential angst: fear of dying alone and being found three weeks later half-eaten by an Alsatian.’

From Bridget Jones Diary by Helen Fielding, Picador, 2001

‘I fall in love real quick, which can scare guys away. I’m like, ‘I love you, I want to move in with you, I want to marry you.’ And they’re like, ‘Ma’am, just give me the ten bucks for the pizza and I’ll be out of here.’

Penny Wiggins

‘I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think there’s something wrong with me.’

                                                                                                Elayne Boosler

‘Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.’

Helen Rowland

‘Odds on meeting a single man: 1 in 23; a cute, single man: 1 in 529; a cute, single, smart man, 1 in 3,245,873; when you look your best, 1 in a billion.’

Lorna Adler

 ‘If he hasn’t called you in about three weeks and you have no idea where he is, the chances are he’s not in an emergency room moaning your name.’

Diane Conway

 ‘I waited for the phone to ring, and when at last it didn’t, I knew it was you.’

Karen Muir

 ‘If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, great! If they don’t, they’re probably having dinner with someone more attractive than you.’

Bill Greiser

In mid life it is a good idea  to clear out the mental clutter and decide how you want to live your life for next few decades. Why shouldn’t you find love again using a mature dating site or heaven forbid kick start your sex life? Parents and your grown up children can be the worst offenders when it comes to sapping your confidence and sabotaging your hopes and dreams. Comments like, “what at your age?” “you are joking?” “do you think you are up to it” can all have a devestating effect and you can find your playing a support role to ageing parents and adult children with their own families and not really living your own life.

We are only here once so focus on your goals and vision however big a fantasy it is and believe you can achieve it. If your desire  is to find a partner to love and cherish you must allow yourself   no doubts that you will achieve this objective. If you passionately feel that you will win through to establish a new loving relationship then this determination will counteract any set backs, obstables or disappointments along the way.

For inspiration read the story below about Ranulph Fiennes climbing Everest and take action. Sign up today, complete your profile and Go for It!

Veteran British adventurer Sir Ranulph Fiennes has reached the summit of Mount Everest, succeeding after two previous attempts ended in failure.

He is the first man to cross both the polar ice-caps and climb 8,850 metres (29,035ft) to the world’s highest peak.

Sir Ranulph, 65, who had kept this latest attempt at climbing the mountain low key, said from the top he was pleased but “felt dreadful”.

“This is the closest you can get to the moon by walking.”

The explorer began his latest attempt at climbing Everest three weeks ago.He becomes the oldest Briton and the first British pensioner to scale the world’s highest mountain.

The adventurer told the BBC: “We came to the summit as dawn broke. It was very, very cold.He said he had been narrowly beaten by a group of 12 Indian army soldiers to the summit but that there was a “lot of chatter” once they arrived.

Sir Ranulph turned back from the summit on his first attempt in 2005 after having a heart attack. Exhaustion forced him to turn back when he tried to climb it again last year.

 His efforts this time are raising money for the Marie Curie Cancer Care charity – his wife, mother and sister all died from the disease within 18 months.

The BBC’s Andrew North joined Sir Ranulph during the first two days of the climb and said it was obvious that a “bull-headed determination” drove him on.

EVEREST FACTS AND FIGURES Height: 8,848 – 8,850m (29,029 – 29,035 feet) First ascent: 29 May, 1953, Edmund Hillary/Tenzing Norgay Number of ascents up to 1988: less than 200 Number of ascents up to end of 2008 climbing season: 4,109 by 2,700 individuals Most people on the summit in a single day: 116, on 22 May, 2003 Oldest summiteer: 76-year-old Nepalese man, Min Bahadur Sherchan

The adventurer spoke to our correspondent by radio from the summit.

“He did say he was really pleased to have got there. He also said he felt dreadful, exhausted from the climb and was looking forward to getting down,” said Mr North.

“You could tell he was very relieved,” he said, adding that the pace of his climb was “remarkably fast” having reached the summit from the highest camp in just nine hours.

During his career Sir Ranulph has led more than 30 expeditions.

The explorer is perhaps best known for a three-year transglobe expedition – the first successful circumnavigation of the world on its polar axis – which was completed in 1982.

He also travelled to the North Pole unaided, along with Dr Mike Stroud, as well as a 97-day trek across Antarctica.

Sir Ranulph had a triple heart bypass in 2003 after suffering from a heart attack.

Only four months later, he and Dr Stroud ran seven marathons in seven days on seven continents.

There are 15 million singles in Britain. A third of these singles are looking for love online.

In the UK, people married between the ages of 19 and 25, 20% met their spouse online. For all ages, the average is 15%.

In the UK, the average internet relationship lasts 7 months.

Every month 7 million UK singles visit a dating site. So you are certainly not alone.

In the UK, singles aged 55 and older are the most active online daters. 62% have used a dating site and have gone out on average 8.2 dates and had 2.1 long term relationships.

www.confidentlife.com is a dedicated mature dating site so you are only going to meet 40 plus daters online rather than on a general site which tends to attract the younger population. Members who seek out niche dating sites are usually more committed to finding a partner than those who join up to the larger sites. We do moderate the site to try and ensure it is used only by serious daters.

Get online today and start to change your life.

Some notable examples of late bloomers in different creative disciplines follow.

BAFTA winning British actress Liz Smith did not become a professional actress until the age of 50.

Art

In art “late bloomers” are most often associated with Naïve art. This term is used for untrained artists so fits those who start late in life without artistic training. Hence the classic late bloomer is Grandma Moses whose painting career began in her seventies after abandoning a career in embroidery because of arthritis. An even older example is Bill Traylor who started drawing at age 83. Another painter who started late in life is Alfred Wallis who began painting after his wife’s death in his 60s.

Business

In business Irene Wells Pennington became best known in her nineties when she helped straighten out irregularities in her husband’s oil business after he went senile in his own 90s. Colonel Sanders began his franchise in his sixties and can also be deemed a late in life financial success. In his mid-50s Taikichiro Mori founded the business that made him, for a year or two, the richest man in the world. He came from a merchant family, but had been a business professor before his 50s.

Sport

In shooting there have been two figures of note whose accomplishments occurred in their sixties or later. Joshua Millner of Britain was 61 when he won his Olympic gold medal in Free rifle, 1000 yards. Swedish marksman Oscar Swahn won two Olympic gold medals in the running deer, single shot event at the age of 60. He won his last medal, silver, at 72 making him the oldest medalist. In athletics Philip Rabinowitz set a sprinting record for centenarian

Jonah Barrington, a squash player, overcame alcoholism to later become a 6 times British Open Squash champion, and was regarded as one of the fittest men on the planet.

Film

Clint Eastwood, the oldest person to win the Academy Award for Best Director, directed his first film at 41.

One of the most shining examples of late bloomers in filmmaking is the Portuguese director Manoel de Oliveira. Born in 1908, he worked sporadically in filmmaking from the 1930s. He completed his first feature film in 1941 called Aniki-Bobo. Due to circumstances beyond his control (difficulty in financing, having to deal with his family’s business), he didn’t complete his second feature film until 1971 (when he turned 63). 2 years later, he completed his third feature film, Benilde or the Virgin Mother (1973). Five years later, he made his breakthrough film (originally commissioned by Portuguese TV) called Doomed Love. After his critically acclaimed film Francisca (1981), he became a full time filmmaker (at the age of 73).

Writing

Many writers have published their first major work late in life. Mary Wesley might be a classic example. She wrote two children’s books in her late fifties, but her writing career did not gain note until her first novel at 70, written after the death of her husband. Kenneth Grahame was born in 1859, joined the Bank of England in 1879 and rose through the ranks to become its Secretary. Although he had written various short stories while working at the bank, it was only after his retirement in 1908 that he published his masterpiece and final work The Wind in the Willows.

Henry Miller published his novel Tropic of Cancer at 44. Raymond Chandler published his first short story at 45, and his first novel, The Big Sleep at 51.

For many mature dating members it will be your first experience of a date after a long gap possibly because of a previous long term relationship, work pressures or a variety of factors. Don’t worry the best thing is to go for smart casual unless the first invite is to fancy dress party. That doesn’t necessarily mean jeans but for ladies a smart pair of trousers and a colourful top or an unfussy easy to wear dress or skirt. The look is foxy 40 plus dating rather than high fashion, smart instead of skimpy. Remember the focus should be on you so hair and make-up are important rather than what you are or aren’t wearing. You can always reveal your personality in subtle touches. Shoes, handbags, belts can accessorise your outfit and you can dare to be more adventurous with these items. For the guys a handkerchief in the jacket pocket, a coloured well fitting shirt all make a great first impression

 And please gentlemen as a mature dater make sure whatever you put on fits well. If it’s a cool day wear a jacket casual style though not to a suit. In addition an open neck shirt, clean tidy T shirt or jumper (please be careful with jumpers as ladies can find them a turn off) with again casual trousers not jeans can be an impressive outfit. Why the no jeans rule, because whatever your opinion is they do shout out loud, “I haven’t bothered too much” and is that the impression you really want to give on your first 40 plus date!

 Ensure your hair is tidy and you feel the best you can be. Not too much perfume or after shave you want to leave a delicate fragrance not getting your date reaching for his/her handkerchief because the effect is totally overpowering. Don’t forget your teeth fresh breath is a definite plus.

 If you want more advice ladies visit http://www.howtolookgood.com/fashionover40.html

and get advice on how to be fabulous at 40.

 Gentlemen read the following article http://uk.askmen.com/fashion/fashiontip_300/336_fashion_advice.html

which gives great fashion advice for 40 plus men.

 Remember there is always one thing you can wear that doesn’t cost anything and will always create a good impression…a smile

From these words sort them into groups under the titles, “ Personality, Interests and Core Values”. Personality words can be phrases like enthusiastic and lively, quiet type, social animal, likes one to ones rather than large crowds. Your interests should be everything you like to do  not just certain activities you have been doing recently e.g. watching football, knitting. Include interests you may have taken for granted, a walk in the fresh air, browsing antique shops, getting dressed up these are still important and the more interests you put down the more three dimensional you become. Put them in your own words as well e.g.” freezing on the touchline watching my son play football on Saturday mornings” is far more powerful  and says so much more about you than just writing” watching sport”.

Finally look at the words that are left and see which fit under the title, “Core Values”. These are the qualities or inner characteristics that you cannot compromise e.g. honesty, loyalty and kindness. Interestingly for a successful relationship it is the core values that really matter, and couples can have very different personalities and interests but they need to agree on what really matters to live in harmony.

Then and only then write your profile. Start with “My friends would describe my personality as…. “this makes the reader what you are saying comes from the heart rather than the head. Then move to “What I like to do is” and name your interests using your own words. Finally end your profile by telling the reader what really matters to you e.g. kindness, honesty loyalty or whatever values you hold and most importantly end your profile with a phrase telling the audience that you want to meet people who share the same values.

If you follow this formula I can guarantee you will never be short of winks and e-mails.

My Mum died in a car crash suddenly in 2003 and I could see instantly that my Dad  was in danger of expereinceing great lonliness so I packed him off on a singles short break and shortly afterwards he started dating.

The internet is perfect for people who want to meet new friends in an easy way and can save you from spending too many nights on your own. Our mature dating site attracts people from 40-95 so don’t let age hold you back on making contact with someone new. You are not over the hill at 40 or 60 and senior dating is a growing trend so start a new life today by uploading your profile and searching our members. 40 plus dating could put a smile on your face.

This site is called www.confidentlife.com because I passionately believe that is the key to life especially when you are little older and hopefully wiser and about to embark on 40 plus dating. To build up your confidence  the first thing you need  to do is do a mini audit of yourself. What are your good points, what are your bad points, physically and mentally. Physically accentuate your good points and try and reduce your bad points. Wear colours that suit you? Have a haircut and have a great photo done for your profile online. No don’t get a glamour photo for your online dating profile that is so totally different from the real you that people are aghast when they meet you and you can almost hear the intake of breath, but do get a professional looking head and shoulders photo taken and remember that black and white is always more flattering than colour. Please don’t upload a photo that was taken in a booth outside Sainsbury’s on a wet Friday evening whilst you kept one hand on your trolley and balanced the cheek of your bum on the wobbly seat. Guess what?- it won’t be flattering.

Mentally make a note where are you strong and where are you a little fuzzy. Are you kind but disorganised, fun but unpredictable? This can help you in finding someone who complements you and when you are together you get that feeling that you can conquer the world. Mature dating enables you to be more selective and  make contact with  people you really feel a connection with.

The most important thing is to take action, to upload your photo and complete your profile. On your profile don’t brag or exaggerate but don’t be too modest either. Stick to the facts. Who do you want to meet, what are your good points, you don’t have to mention your weaknesses here, what do you like to do for relaxation. Simple easy to read information that will make a prospective date say to themselves I want to know more and most importantly be confident about 40 plus dating. You are a great person. Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for and your time is now because now you are ready for love.

So how can a single person over 40 avoid plunging into another desperate relationship that only leads down a blind alley? In this respect the online personals give some advantage. In making contact with other over 40s singles online, you have the chance to e-mail a number of different people, and start to get to know them, at the same time. This gives you a way to weed out those who are unsuitable before you move on to the step of dating one of them.

How to weed out those over 40s who do not meet our criteria? In answering this it is important to first understand that you must actively engaged in an e-mail conversation with each of your chosen over 40s singles. You cannot send the same e-mail to different people with just the names changed if you expect to be successful with online dating. You must make efforts to respond to things in someone’s online dating profile, as well as to engage with what they say in their e-mails.

Once you have a good conversation going with someone you can begin to look for things that might put you off them. You can begin with the obvious. If they tell you that they have six dogs sharing their home and you have an allergy to dog hair then it’s a no-brainer to tail off the conversation. But not everything is always so obvious.

Think about the relationships you’ve had in your life so far, in particular those that didn’t work. What was it that eventually put you off those people? What did they do? Was it their hang ups or their bad behavior once you got to know them better? Ask yourself how you can find out about these and similar things in a subtle way in the conversation you are having with somebody now. Perhaps you can ask them about their past history — on a conversational level, of course.

Or perhaps there will already be early indications of problems in what is the other person is saying. If your correspondent constantly talks about old boyfriends or girlfriends or failed relationships, for example, then tread warily. They may be too tied up with the past and their own emotional baggage.

On the other hand, the shoe may be on the other foot, and you may have to look to yourself to expunge emotional baggage of your own. This is never an easy process but may be necessary if you are to move on and be successful dating other over 40s singles.

Of course nobody is perfect, we all have our faults, and you have to be careful that you don’t talk yourself out of getting to know someone who may turn out to be perfect for you. Getting this balance right and forming a measured opinion of people is a skill you need to acquire, particularly when taking part in over 40s dating.

For more on dating singles over 40 visit: Single Lady Over 40. Stephanie Constantina writes for Single Dating.

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