Confident Life

Enjoy online dating!

Most of us rush through life, speeding from milestone to milestone, without stopping to really enjoy each day. If you are have just joined us to start your online dating journey and you are hoping to fall in love some day soon, remember to enjoy the dating process and not just view it as a means to an end. Falling in love is so much fun! Many people will tell you it was one of the best times of their lives. If you aren’t having a good time dating online and every date that doesn’t work out or every rejection cuts like a knife, stop for a while and work on your own self respect. If you can’t nurture and respect yourself then you won’t be able to give true love. Take more exercise, treat yourself to new clothes or a new look, or take up a hobby. If you don’t  nourish yourself you will be like someone drowning clutching for a life belt every time someone winks or sends you a message and the potential date will pick up these vibrations and  soon exit your life. Remember you are special and unique and if one date doesn’t work out have faith in yourself that you will find a compatible partner.  You need to be strong and confident and keep a sense of humour!

Can I Be In Love This Soon?

The very beginning of a relationship can be intoxicating! You want to spend every moment with each other, and flaws are non-existent. Is this true love? At this very early stage, probably not. You are in the throes of infatuation. True love generally develops over time. So, don’t rush into love; enjoy the process! Spend time together in many different situations — the good times and the bad. And keep your eyes open for any potential areas of concern. This infatuation just may become the real thing.

Harry Stack Sullivan, a wise psychologist, once said, “Love begins when a person finds another person’s needs to be as important as his own.” Use this ideal as a measuring stick for every relationship. Do you care more for your partner’s needs than your own? If you can honestly answer yes, then you may be in love! If your partner feels the same, you can both consider yourselves lucky. You have each found your soulmate and, hopefully, you will continue to be happy together.

The Human Need For Love & Intimacy

Given one wish in life, most people would wish to be loved–to be able to reveal themselves entirely to another human being and be embraced by that acceptance. People who have successfully built an intimate relationship know its power and comfort. But they also know that taking the emotional risks that allow intimacy aren’t easy. Built upon the sharing of feelings, intimacy requires consummate trust (Avery, 1989).

I have been reading a fascinating book lately , “59 Seconds” by Professor Richard Wiseman Britain’s only Professor for the Public Understanding of Psychology. In it he collates research on specific topics to show that psychology can help us in our everyday lives.  The section on attraction is particularly interesting. I suspect we would all like to be thought of as attractive to a potential partner especially on a date.

The research in this area produced the following evidence:

1. To help promote the chances of a successful date, choose an activity that is likely to get the heart beating faster. Avoid classical concerts, country walks instead choose watching a thriller or horror film at the cinema, theme parks and cycle rides. The researchers Cindy Meston and Penny Frolich collated the ratings of attractiveness from romantically inclined couples both before a scary rollercoaster ride and afterwards. Their evidence showed that a beating heart makes your partner look far more attractive.

2. Share some intimate details with your date and the research shows that this can encourage your date to get up close and personal faster. You have to share information though one piece at a time. The best ways of doing this are by using some of the questions below in your conversation.

Imagine hosting the perfect dinner party. You can invite anyone who ever lived who would you ask?

When did you last talk to your self?

Name two ways in which you consider yourself lucky?

Name something you have always wanted to do, and explain why you haven’t done it yet?

Imagine your home caught fire. You can only save one object what would it be?

Describe the happiest day of your life?

Hope these techniques work and above all have fun!

When it comes to online dating the one thing that can be the most difficult is writing your profile to upload on the site. Some people want to stand out by being  quirky others want to tell you everything they have achieved but if you want to be the most popular member on the site and have plenty of dates to choose from then keep it authentic, keep it real. Just sit for a few minutes and think about who you are and what  you like to do, then jot down random words that come into your head only when you have finished this exercise read them through and underline those that really feel like the “real you”.

From these words sort them into groups under the titles, “ Personality, Interests and Core Values”. Personality words can be phrases like enthusiastic and lively, quiet type, social animal, likes one to ones rather than large crowds. Your interests should be everything you like to do  not just certain activities you have been doing recently e.g. watching football, knitting. Include interests you may have taken for granted, a walk in the fresh air, browsing antique shops, getting dressed up these are still important and the more interests you put down the more three dimensional you become. Put them in your own words as well e.g.” freezing on the touchline watching my son play football on Saturday mornings” is far more powerful  and says so much more about you than just writing” watching sport”.

Finally look at the words that are left and see which fit under the title, “Core Values”. These are the qualities or inner characteristics that you cannot compromise e.g. honesty, loyalty and kindness. Interestingly for a successful relationship it is the core values that really matter, and couples can have very different personalities and interests but they need to agree on what really matters to live in harmony.

Then and only then write your profile. Start with “My friends would describe my personality as…. “this makes the reader what you are saying comes from the heart rather than the head. Then move to “What I like to do is” and name your interests using your own words. Finally end your profile by telling the reader what really matters to you e.g. kindness, honesty loyalty or whatever values you hold and most importantly end your profile with a phrase telling the audience that you want to meet people who share the same values.

If you follow this formula I can guarantee you will never be short of winks and e-mails.

Let’s face it over 40 and all our insecurities about dating come rushing into our brains. Am I too fat, am I too thin? Why haven’t I met the right one yet? You know what I mean. All that idle chatter that appears in our brain as negative thoughts so you put off taking action for another day and time slips away like a thief in the night.

This site is called www.confidentlife.com because I passionately believe that is the key to life especially when you are little older and hopefully wiser and about to embark on 40 plus dating. To build up your confidence  the first thing you need  to do is do a mini audit of yourself. What are your good points, what are your bad points, physically and mentally. Physically accentuate your good points and try and reduce your bad points. Wear colours that suit you? Have a haircut and have a great photo done for your profile online. No don’t get a glamour photo for your online dating profile that is so totally different from the real you that people are aghast when they meet you and you can almost hear the intake of breath, but do get a professional looking head and shoulders photo taken and remember that black and white is always more flattering than colour. Please don’t upload a photo that was taken in a booth outside Sainsbury’s on a wet Friday evening whilst you kept one hand on your trolley and balanced the cheek of your bum on the wobbly seat. Guess what?- it won’t be flattering.

Mentally make a note where are you strong and where are you a little fuzzy. Are you kind but disorganised, fun but unpredictable? This can help you in finding someone who complements you and when you are together you get that feeling that you can conquer the world. Mature dating enables you to be more selective and  make contact with  people you really feel a connection with.

The most important thing is to take action, to upload your photo and complete your profile. On your profile don’t brag or exaggerate but don’t be too modest either. Stick to the facts. Who do you want to meet, what are your good points, you don’t have to mention your weaknesses here, what do you like to do for relaxation. Simple easy to read information that will make a prospective date say to themselves I want to know more and most importantly be confident about 40 plus dating. You are a great person. Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for and your time is now because now you are ready for love.

Do you remember the film, “Home Alone” with Macaulay Culkin as Kevin. The story was about an eight year old boy accidentally left at home whilst his family spent Christmas in France and the plot involved his hilarious escapades trying to outwit some bungling burglars. Well for many of us over 40 it is our turn to be Home Alone. Parents may not be around any more, children have fled the nest, friends have moved on and Christmas can be a time of dread and despondency not joy and laughter.

We may plan a holiday and escape, we may fill the days with activities to keep us from thinking about our lack of companionship but sooner or later we all feel the emptiness of not having another human being with whom to share our secrets.

The interesting thing is that most of us still hold back from making contact with new people as the fear of rejection scares us from taking the first step or the imagined embarrassment of meeting new people stops us moving forward. Life is so very short, we never know how much time we have and personally I only regret the actions I haven’t taken not the ones that I have. Love and friendship is happiness and if you want more of both in your life then joining www.confidentlife.com will help you achieve this. You will meet like minded people and guess what they are as excited and nervous as you are! You can help them by being relaxed and interested in them. Ask them about their life, be a good listener and above all smile when you meet. Be light hearted in your e-mails and genuine and you will find your new friends respond the same. Make the person you are contacting feel important tell them honestly why you felt they were a person you wanted to consider as a new friend.

If you take the first step and get online I can guarantee that by next Christmas you will not be Home Alone you will be spending a marvellous time surrounded by love and laughter and above all you will have found happiness.

Take Care,

 Jill

O.K. you keep looking at www.confidentlife.com you read our e-flyers but something keeps holding you back form taking any action. What is it? It’s usually the F word, no not the one Gordon Ramsey repeats frequently but FEAR.

As we get older we have experienced disappointment frequently in our lives and we get to like the taste of it less. However, failure and disappointment is the only true path to success. Does a child stop learning to walk because it keeps falling down? Do parents watching say “you’ll never do it so stop trying”. No! We let ourselves get worn down by teachers, well meaning or not so well meaning friends into not moving out of our comfort zone. “Internet dating that’s for losers” your friends will say “what do you want to do that for”. It is quite simple and logical meeting the right person is a numbers game and with the beauty of our site you can meet hundreds if not thousands of new people at the click of a mouse. You can reject the ones you don’t want make to contact with the ones you like and keep dating until the “right one” , and yes you will know, appears. Don’t act desperate and go crazy over the first few dates, take your time and enjoy the journey. What’s the worst that can happen a boring night with someone you will kindly let know isn’t the right person for you? You can also select any age of person you might want to meet this site may be aimed at the over 40’s but all you have to do is change the age ranges in the search criteria and put the age range you want to meet on your profile and you can meet who you want when you want.

So be FEARLESS and to me FEARLESS is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. . FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again…even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and happily ever after because love is always FEARLESS.

Jill Mytton

Although the “credit crunch” has shown that older workers can face obstacles on finding employment it is certainly no barrier when it comes to finding love. 

I firmly believe that 40 can be quite a turning point in people’s lives. Although we snigger about men having mid life crises and buying sports cars or women suddenly doing a “Shirley Valentine” and disappearing abroad it is a natural time in our lives where we assess what we have done, where we are in our lives and most importantly where we want to be. This can often mean the end of relationships which are not allowing us to develop into the person we want to become. The problem is by this time we have responsibilities, kids, mortgages, elderly parents and we cannot always put ourselves first and meet new people. www.confidentlife.com is all about fun and friendship and if something more develops that is fantastic.

Using the latest technology we ensure that members are secure on the site and have the ability to use a variety of methods to meet new people from chat, to e-mail; video to text messages it offers you a fun, friendly experience. You can also complete personality profiles to enhance your chances of meeting someone you really like. It is also completely free to join. Dedication to a career can often mean a single life and leave no room for relationships. We all need someone to believe in us perhaps this is the time to take the risk and look for that special someone that can help you live a more balanced life.

O.K. so I got your attention but scouring through various articles to get some ideas for writing this blog I stumbled upon three articles, all scientific studies which really got my interest. The first one was an article about an American professor Amanda Barusch from Otago University who interviewed 91 people and found their romantic intensity increased with age.

The Professor said, “When you are in you are slightly older your baggage is that much lighter”! Women 40 plus had no reservations about initiating relationships with younger men and some couples reported diving into new sexual relationships with added zest.

The Professor has written a book called, “Love Stories of Later Life” which chronicles her findings and shows that love can be better the older you are than in the first flush of youth. I know you are asking what has this to do with sex, well keep reading.

In another survey researchers at the University of California at Berkeley studied more than 132,000 people between the ages of 21 and 60.

Each person taking part in the survey each took a personality test posted on an internet website. The researchers selected only those living in Canada and the United States.

The participants took the Big Five Inventory, a test used to measure what psychologists refer to as the “big five” or main parts of human personality. These are conscientiousness; agreeableness; neuroticism; openness; and extraversion.

The researchers found that conscientiousness increased throughout life and particularly during people’s 20s. In practice, this means that people become more organised and disciplined. The study also suggested that agreeableness improved throughout life and particularly during people’s 30s. This finding means people become warmer, more generous and helpful. So this disproved some scientific theories that had indicated that personality did not change after early adulthood.

Finally, they say as time passes, couples’ desire to get naughty in the bedroom fades away, but according to new research, sex – just like wine and friendship –gets better with age.

Writing in the British Medical Journal, the study that was conducted by University of Gothenburg in Sweden, where else!, found that an increasing number of people are having good sex and more often as they get older, and women in this age group are particularly satisfied with their sex lives.

In the study, the researchers studied attitudes to sex in later life and the authors found that over time people became more adventurous regarding sex. In addition, the number of women reporting high sexual satisfaction increased, more women reported having an orgasm during sex.

To summarise as we age we love more intensely, become warmer and friendlier and have better sex! So this is just the right time to start dating again like an Olympian athlete you are in great shape and have plenty to offer a new partner! Have fun and don’t let age be a barrier because life is for living.

Jill